The Laws Of Bad Company 2
- Friendly fire - isn't.
- Recoilless rifles - aren't.
- Suppressive fire - won't.
- If it's stupid but it works, it isn't stupid.
- If it works too well, it's cheap.
- If it's fair, you'll be banned for it.
- Your hand grenades have 5 second fuses that last 7 seconds.
- The enemy has grenades with 5 second fuses that last 3 seconds.
- The knife will never work for you.
- The knife will always work on you.
- The amount of failed knife kills a player attempted is about three times as many dogtags they've taken.
- There is always a way.
- The easy way is always mined.
- The hard way is also mined.
- Every recon on your team is a useless sniper faggot.
- Every recon on the opposing team is a professional.
- Snipers always go after easy targets.
- You are an easy target.
- Cover your front and you'll be shot in the ass.
- Cover your ass and you'll be shot in the side.
- Cover yourself well and the enemy will bypass you.
- 17 bullets to the chest is easily survivable as long as you don't get hit an 18th time.
- The nearest medic is either too far away, dead, or an imbecile.
- The nearest engineer is either too far away, dead, an imbecile, or out of ammo.
- Whenever you have a decent supply of ammo, you will have perfect accuracy.
- Whenever you're running low on ammo, you can't hit the broad side of a barn.
- The nearest assault will never supply ammo when you need it.
- If the nearest assault knew to supply ammo, you'd never need ammo. You'd just have it.
- The best helicopter pilot in the server is on the other team.
- And he has stolen your team's helicopter.
- If you haven't been shot at yet, it's because they're directing mortars at you.
- The three most dangerous places on the battlefield are: in the open, doors, and stairs.
- The minimum safe distance for C4 is one foot farther than you ran before hitting the detonator.
- The seriousness of a wound sustained in combat is directly proportional to the distance from the nearest cover.
- The importance of a player's job is inversely proportional to their skill at said job.
- Any vehicle can be a mine sweeper...once.
- You will always spot mines just in time for them to detonate.
- If the enemy is in range, so are you.
- The effective range of a rocket launcher is one foot less than the distance to target.
- Mortars directed at tanks will always overshoot the target.
- Except when you are the one in the tank.
- Your mortar barrage will always put exactly ONE round on target.
- That one round will do nothing.
- Those footsteps you hear belong to your friend.
- Those footsteps you don't hear belong to the enemy.
- The easiest way to get shot at is to start shooting.
- Odd objects attract fire.
- The object you are covering behind is an odd object.
- You are an odd object.
- The enemy can spot you, too.
- The remains of the destroyed tank that you are hiding behind will de-spawn during a fire fight.
- The one item you need is always in short supply.
- When in doubt, blow it up.
- The enemy is never watching until you make a mistake.
- The newest and least experienced player will do the most damage.
- The crucial round won't register.
- If there is only one way to solve it, it is a stupid solution.
- There are no silent killers in the combat zone.
- If you are a killer, you are not silent.
- The only time the enemy can't hear you is when he's dead.
- Or you're dead.
- Or he's not there.
- Or you're not there.
- Muzzle flash = please shoot me
- The two most dangerous people in hardcore mode are: the nearest enemy troop and the nearest friendly tank.
- Bullets hurt.
- Fights are only unfair if you lose.
- When the going gets tough, the tough get behind hard cover.
- The need for back-up is inversely proportional to the distance from the nearest back-up.
- When you lock eyes with an enemy 1,000 meters away, also notice the guy 30 meters away about to shoot you in the ass.
- Luck is more useful than skill.
- Your spree of success will come to an end because of some punk with an assault rifle.
- Helicopter tail rotors are magnetically attracted to trees.
- The LZ is always hot.
- Tanks draw fire. A lot of fire.
- What goes around, comes around.
- What comes around, does not go around. (this and previous from User:Bumblebeeprime09)
- Whenever you lose track of an enemy, look behind you.
- A live coward is more useful than a dead hero.
- A fallen hero is more honorable than a live coward. (User:Bumblebeeprime09)
- When you line up the shot, the target will move.
- There is no wound that can't be treated with a box of pain killers or a jolt of electricity.
- There's no shame in running away.
- There is a lot of shame in not running away and getting killed for it.
- You will always arrive just in time to be of no assistance.
- Don't stop shooting until you kill them or they will kill you.
- If you have control of the combat situation, you are not in a combat situation.
- Someone will always find a flaw in your master plan.
- If there are no flaws, the server admin will accuse you of cheating.
- If the server admin doesn't, someone will convince him.
- If it's absolutely vital that someone notice something, they won't.
- If they try to see it, they still won't.
- Many difficult tasks can be made easier with clever use if high explosives.
- You are walking into an ambush.
- Unless you are running into an ambush.
- Or driving into an ambush.
- Or flying into an ambush. (User:Bumblebeeprime09)
- The lifespan of your squadmate is one second shorter than your respawn timer.
- Your other squadmate is a recon and he's even farther away. (this and previous from User:LITE992)
- Every weapon is over-powered.
- Every weapon is under-powered. (this and previous from User:Spetsnaz117)
- There is just enough time to fail to escape a collapsing building. (User:Heatedpete)