No but yeah but no but yeah.


There are two kinds of people in this world. Those people who say yes and mean yes and those who say yes and mean no or maybe. How can you tell them apart? You can't.

Just how honest is too honest? As a straight shooter, tell-it-like-it-is advocate I am constantly under fire to watch my mouth and be more diplomatic in expressing my thoughts and feelings. As a rule, I do not volunteer my opinion on sensitive issues or to sensitive people unless asked. Questions such as 'how do I look?', 'Am I fat?' are best directed at other people unless you really do want to know the answer. I don't see the point of lying unless I am going to get into trouble for telling the truth and so the only two people I tell fibs to are the traffic police and my mother.

Is it true that sometimes people ask you an apparently straightforward question but don't really want you to be honest with them? This concept really baffles me. If someone asks me whether they look fat and they look like a right hippo, they can rest assured that all their doubts on the issue will be allayed and what they will come to possess is the total knowledge that they are fat.

I have a friend who is a self-confessed two face and she is proud of it. In order to avoid hurting your feelings she will tell you the very thing you want to hear and then tell her friends the truth when your back is turned. I never ask her opinion on anything.

I have another friend who finds it extremely difficult to say no. This would be a wonderful personality trait if she actually intended to do the thing she has promised you. If I cannot do something I usually say no upfront because I'd rather do that than have to avoid phone calls and make up excuses and generally be a dodgy fellow.

I understand that you should sugar coat things sometimes,I'm not completely tactless. You should refuse the impossible nicely. An acquaintance asked me once to bring back an overweight suitcase for them because they already had two bags and I had just one. Plus they were leaving that night and I was leaving in a couple of days. Alarm bells immediately started going off in my head and I could all but taste prison food in my mouth as I was having flash forwards of the people at customs finding pure cocaine in the lining of the bag.I told him N to the O plus I do not know you from Adam. Okay not in those words, but I did make sure he knew why I refused to do it. I could not vouch for what the bag contained and I was not prepared find out.

I told this story to a friend and she said I should have said yes at first and proceeded to screen all my calls till the appointed time of departure. This appears to be expected behaviour.Another time my colleague asked me to take some money to her sister in the UK because she wanted to save money on the bank transfer charges. Once again I had flash forwards of forgetting the money in Abuja or leaving my hand bag on the plane and having to explain how I came to no longer be in possession of the cash. I could not do it. I did not think I knew her well enough for her not to think I was a liar and a thief and every other name in her language she would certainly call me if I told her I had lost the 2000 pounds. Of course I politely declined outlining the above explanation and what do you know this woman starts arguing with me talking about how rude it is to say no pointblank, how can I say we do not know each other that well and all sorts of Christian Religious Studies.

I am now confused,should I reverse and rewrite 20 something odd years of honest intentions and forthright behaviour just to please the faint hearted or are there many more people like me who just wanna hear to truth and have a place to turn for a good dose of it?

Men And The Way They Justify Adultery


When celebrities are involved, the intriguing subject of infidelity becomes even more fascinating. Infidelity is an ancient vice that even scriptural noblemen and important people of contemporary history are not immune to. Almost all men recognize the fact that infidelity is wrong but men still do it nevertheless. There must be a profound reason for this.

Guys will forever try to rationalize adultery but keep in mind that there will never be any excuses for unfaithfulness. Unfaithfulness is obviously wrong. A lot of men who cheat will attempt to justify their sneaking around using one or more of the reasons shown below. A number of men even pin the blame on the ‘selfish’ gene with their cheating.

It appears like cheating is gradually becoming something you can justify. Not being sexually fulfilled is the biggest reason that men will usually say to try to justify their unfaithful behavior. Honestly discussing the problem with your husband or wife will often result in gratifying solutions.

Some men say that they cheat because they think that they’re wives are being unfaithful. They wish to get even and they get it done by being unfaithful too. Fooling around to get revenge can only exacerbate the problem. A blunder cannot be fixed by another error.

Some guys do it because they think it’s thrilling. Women are like trophies that they’ll collect inside their minds. The drive behind some guys in being unfaithful is the excitement of the ‘conquest’. Some males are driven by the need for variety. A number of men believe that they won’t get caught and they cheat because they feel they will get away with it. They feel that what the spouse does not know won’t distress her. There are husbands who feel better about themselves by getting another woman besides their spouses to sleep with them. For men that have low self-esteem, being unfaithful may give them that much needed self-worth.

Frequently, cheating isn’t actually planned by men who cheat. It just occurred; you could hear a number of guys declare. Almost all men are not really proficient at managing their sexual desires. If the wife nags constantly, some guys will choose the easier way out of getting revenge. Many guys hate arguing and they feel that it’s more convenient to sleep with another woman than to have a confrontation.

Another of the causes that men cheat is probably the fact that most women usually forgive a lot easier compared to men. Nevertheless the fact that you may get away with it doesn’t exactly make it right. Their wives are no longer physically attractive, some cheating men will complain. Some cheating husbands will reason that they simply don’t feel any love for their wives anymore.

Regardless of how guys try to justify their actions, cheating will still be wrong. It could have long-term destructive effects on everyone concerned. Men who are unfaithful are often remorseful and they do what they can to save marriage from divorce. They frequently regret the infidelity and they recognize that they really adore their wives. Sometimes all they need is the opportunity to show their love.

When you just learned that your spouse has been unfaithful, avoid making hasty actions. Allow time to pass first before deciding how to proceed. Once you decide to stay with your repenting husband, you do have a higher chance of being happier as compared to if you choose to separate. One requirement is that the disloyal partner must stop being unfaithfuland do his best to make the marriage succeed.

The average age men are getting marry is around 25 years of age. This means, on average a man is capable to take care of themselves for 30 years prior to admitting to the life of marriage. On average a men can then make it a year or two before their wives feel the need to start getting them healthy.

Also would you have read this if the title was “I am a tiny winy man, and I could not control my wife?”

We are not here to talk about the man that Dr is, but more the lifestyle changes that we have to endure because the better half in our life has watched Dr and is now changing the things we love. This is a blog to get our voice BACK…at least out of the ear shot from our wives that is.

When our wives start in with a lecture on, “Well I saw on Dr …” A man could just scream. And so, that is what we have created, a place to scream, “I could give a rats tail what Doctor z says…pass the gravy and hand me my beer!!”

Don’t get us wrong, we actually think Dr ASS is a great doctor, and we don’t hate him specifically. However, the desire to sit down in the evening and have a beer, a soda, or maybe even a glass of Gatorade, without the wife bringing up Dr z and high fructose corn syrup. 

ALL MEN ARE DOGS.

I am now certain that the world was created in conversation: God the Father, God the Son and God the HolySpirit gathered around the firmament in conference, considering how to create a lesser existence that would mirror their own but somehow would be inferior to and, thus, subject to them. And along the line, Jesus mouths with overwhelming compassion “They would be unholy, But I’d die before they let it all come to ruin.” The Father and The Son, brimming with majesty, turn on him and smile: “You’ve got it, you’ve hit the nail on the head Jesus! That’s exactly what we’ll do!”.




Abandoning all irreverence, I do think that is how the greatest of ideas and hitherto elusive solutions are born; in conversation. There are some conceited folks who will deny this and insist that they were all alone when their best ideas came to them (especially Newton who told alot of lies about that apple falling on his head to sell his autobiography), but knowing that all geniuses are mad, and all mad people talk to themselves (and permitting that talking to oneself be admissible here as ‘conversation’), there do I rest my case. That is why I used the initial example of the creation of the universe- we all know that God the Father, Son and HolySpirit are one and the same.

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So with that exciting bit of background information, I shall deliver to you the most important thesis ever posited about man since God Himself stated “It is not good that man should be alone; I will make him a helper comparable to him” (New King James Version Bible: Genesis 2, 8). I was chilling with a bunch of people, all of them female, a couple of Fridays ago. The conversation descended as usual into this cess pit of derisory condemnation of one sex by the other. Being the stand alone man, I prepared to defend my own with as much imaginative evasiveness as I could muster. You know how we men can be so inventive, stylishly parrying every accusation with astoundingly varying versions of the indelicate “Women ask for it”, and expecting that shit to fly. Eventually, having exhausted every thought from “But women ask for it though, the way they act”, to “Well, women have always asked for it, right from Eve in the Garden”, I deflated and waited to be crucified by these fulminating ladies.

And that was when We stumbled on it. The Truth. I say we because it was a collective effort to appropriately process this metaphor and ascribe basic everyday situations to each twist and turn of what I hope will become a major twenty-first century adage.

Men are dogs. Granted. But in the best of ways, the worst of ways. The general connotation of this statement is that a dog will hump anything and everything regardless. The dog will do a poo and leave the doo for you to clean up. The dog will run away for days without a thought as to the emotional restlessness you are experiencing. And, worst of all, a dog will run after a stick and fetch it and expect you to give it a pat on the head and a doggy biscuit. Sensational. This is The Truth: All Men are Dogs. There are these natural instincts in them that propel them to want more than is their share, take more than they deserve and expect more than is coming to them. So we are in agreement right? At the same time, the Men Are Dogs (hereafter M.A.D.) lobby forgets to factor in the other side of the story. The same Dog that will take off without warning will also run miles to get help for his owner struggling for dear life in a ditch; That Dog would risk his life to battle off attackers and invaders; but most importantly, that Dog is controllable. Give a dog a bone and he’s alright.

I remember one author asking the question(and I paraphrase): If you see a person with a dog on a leash, the dog stops to take a leak and the person is forced to stop, the dog stops to drop a shit and the person bends over to scoop it up, who is boss and who isn’t? It’s an interesting conundrum that one. I’m sure the author was in favour of the dastardly dog, doing whatever the hell he likes. But I beg to differ. The power is in control, the power is in the leash. The dog is doing his thing, making you work and costing you energy but you dictate that dog’s schedule. You decide when he goes for a run, when he eats, who he plays with and at the end of the day, simply because of the quality of your doggy biscuits, he will always come home. Figure out that one for yourself.

Dustin Hoffman stated with no little conviction on the Jonathan Ross show (aye, that kills off all my credibility then) that for any male-female relationship to work “a man has to be terrified of his wife”. Substitute ‘man’ for Dog and ‘his wife’ for you (speaking to ladies now) and you see the picture of things in High Definition. No matter what else transpires, no matter how doggy your dog is, if you handle it right and realise that you are the boss, that you hold the leash, the dynamics change. Even though, he will fight you when you wish to bathe him, you can still get him to take a bath with the right skill. It is the same way you can get your man to spruce up if need be so long as you are tactful in your approach. You need to give your man time to roam, to gambol free and wide, to get pissed down the pub (if that’s what he is into) and to throw a barking fit. You need to make him feel like he’s the boss. But inside he must know that you, in fact, run things.

Of course problems arise with the type of dog you find yourself with (for breeds of man-Dogs see http://www.menaredogsbook.com/mainpages/breeds/breeds.html), the size of the dog, levels of intelligence, personal hygiene (etc etc) but the principle stays the same: All Men are Dogs, granted. Now deal with it and stop complaining.

What’s the point of this? You cannot suddenly change your man into a naturally monogamous penguin who will date the same mate all their lives and go as far and wide as possible to bring her the perfect pebble on the beach (I watch too many movies- this one’s from Good Luck Chuck) but you can cultivate his loyalty. Men are Dogs, I cannot say that enough. And most men like to think they are top dog as well, so they will play even faster and even looser with your emotions than you can handle. All that is required is that you master your dog and keep him ‘terrified’. This involves careful nurturing, several months of cleaning up shit, endless hours of shouted commands going unheeded, unimaginable expense (emotional currency that is) but ultimately you will get to the point where all you get from your man is love and adoration and vice versa.

Unfortunately I am no life coach and all I have is my philosophy. I will refrain from offering any ‘real-life’
situations on which to test out this groundbreaking theory. All I’m saying is if your dog pooed on the carpet, would you start crying about it? No, you clean it up and lock the fool outside and watch him feed you unrestrained affection the next day. Know your dog and leash him, is all I say. And lay off all that other ‘I hate Guys’ talk. It’s rubbish. Every real woman knows how to handle a Dog.

As for you muumuu guys reading this aghast. I just gave you a get out of jail free pass. If she stresses, just tell her The Truth- All Men Are DOGS.

PS It just occurred to me that Men Are Dogs can be acronymised (sic) as MAD. Random. So you can go ahead and call this a MAD theory.


Read more: http://beyondjane.com/beauty/all-men-are-dogs-deal-with-it/#ixzz1pw4s3fnj

I Do Not Come To You By Chance 



I just finished this novel called I do not come to you by chance by a Nigerian Author Tricia Nwaubani. While I would not say that shes broken any literary records it was a very good story. An apt portrayal of the Nigerian advanced fee fraud industry, because that is what it is. I say she hasnt broken literary records because her style, in my humble view is not very solid. Her story, though, speaks for itself in the sense that the story sucks you in and you almost start to believe that the characters are your next door neighbours and you can see, smell and touch them.

She also does not end the story in that way that most of these stories end where everyone lives happily ever after. The ending is actually quite realistic appreciating that life gives you a bunch of lemons and you have to make lemonade.

Now its a common fact that we bloggers are aspiring writers/authors/novelists/call us what you want and I am no exception. If only a good plot would come to me, and I would find the time to put pen to paper, or rather fingertip to keyboard of my rather ancient 2005-model toshiba laptop with the quote mark key not working. I am inspired by Nigerian female writers such as Chimamanda Adichie and Tricia Nwaubani for actually believing in themselves and trusting their abilities and not restricting themselves. Their books can be found chest to chest with international bestseling authors in foreign countries.

Alas, I have to keep dreaming that one day I will actually be a writer like carrie Bradshaw, especially Carrie Bradshaw although I wont be writing anything remotely about sex. No, even I am not that liberal(yet). Instead i will pour all my thought into this my personal space, this blog I have been trying to write and sustain for the past two years(with a high fail rate) and I hope that one or two people will find the time to read and enjoy it.