MY TAKE ON AVENGERS 2012
The big news of this year’s Comic-Con, we’ll all agree on, was Marvel’s pulling off a star-studded panel for The Avengers, bringing together stars from all of their current franchises on stage to announce that the ensemble Avengers film is definitely happening, and on an unprecedented scale.
The predictable reaction to this, especially from geeks like us? Absolute, uncontrollable, geeky orgasms. This is THE biggest possible movie equivalent of a crossover issue – short of a Marvel v DC mini-series, and I’m sure someone at HBO’s will be setting that up in a decade or so – ever. And you know what?
I’m not that excited. In fact, I’m very, very weary.
Movies have a hard time accommodating large casts of characters. Batman Returns struggled with a hero and two villains, Batman Forever hobbled along with two (very lame) heroes and three (ridiculous) villains, and one of the frequent criticisms leveled at Iron Man 2 was that, while geek-friendly, Marvel’s insistence on cramming in Black Widow, Whiplash, War Machine, and Sam Rockwell’s Justin Hammer into the film made it more than a little slapdash.
The Avengers has seven – that’s right, SEVEN – main heroes. That’s not counting the villains, that’s not counting the love interests, that’s not counting the buddies. That’s SEVEN main protagonists. The good news is this incarnation of the Avengers is fairly varied. Thor is Thor, Hawkeye and Captain America can be the masked dudes with long range weapons, Widow’s the ambiguous hottie, Hulk’s the uncontrollable wild card, and Iron Man, I imagine, will be the cool comic relief – cum – hardened cynic. If the film cleverly sticks to Avengers tradition, Captain America’s idealism can be a counterpoint to Iron Man’s egotism, and Ruffalo’s Bruce Banner is likely to be the soul of the team.
That may sound all right, but that’s weakness number one to me. Diehard fans will get to see their heroes in the way they expect them, but there will be no surprises. And we’re not going to be getting much emotional involvement – I can’t imagine this is going to be the film to see Tony Stark become a full-fledged alcoholic, for instance – and that, in my opinion, always makes for a weaker film.
Second thing that worries me: the cast. That’s right, the cast. It may work well on paper, but you know what we’re looking at here? Six buff white people and a pompous black guy with an eyepatch. On their own, these guys (RDJ for Stark, Ruffalo for Hulk, Evans for Cap, Renner for Hawkeye) are great choices. Together, they’re just very… same-y. Charismatic, self-depreciating, pale white guys age 28 to 40, with perfectly styled hair. I mean, just look at that photo up there. That’s a pretty girl with a stable of gay dancers.
And I know, I know – they’re not going to look like this in the movie. No – in the movie, they’ll sort of look like this, but wear tights and masks as well. Much better. And if Tom Hiddleston’s Loki is indeed the main villain, our baddie will look just like the metrosexual guy who runs the rival gay club. I don’t see badass written all over it, I’m afraid.
My next – and main – worry is the screenplay. An Avengers movie has to be smart, big, epic, fast-paced, and it has to marry the varying tones of the solo characters’ worlds well enough to become more than just the sum of its parts. It needs balance, and it needs – especially in this day and age – not to take itself too seriously. And to make sure we get this, Marvel is having the script written by… Zak Penn? The guy who brought us such gems as The Incredible Hulk, Elektra, X-Men: The Last Stand, and Behind Enemy Lines?
Oh, shit.
The guy to keep tabs on Penn’s crapola is Joss Whedon, who’s actually a good pick, but – and fanboys will string me up by the guts for saying this – isn’t a great pick for a director. Whedon is brilliantly talented but also one of the most inconsistent creators in modern genre film: Dollhousecould be majestic or excruciating depending on the week, Firefly and Serenity were great fun but never felt like setting your world on fire, Toy Story (he co-wrote it) is genius, and Buffy is one of the most overrated things ever to be on the box. There’s also the worrying fact that every time Marvel has gone off-beat with its directorial choices (Jon Favreau for Iron Man, Bryan Singer for X-Men, Sam Raimi for Spider-Man, even Ang Lee for the underrated Hulk and I’ll wager Edgar Wright forAnt-Man) they hit pay dirt. Every time they go obvious (Louis Leterrier for Hulk, Tim Story forFantastic Four) things go sour. And Whedon is very, very much a safe choice – he’s a sci-fi guy, he does smart-alecky humor, he does ensemble piees. This is in his wheelhouse, and bizarrely, to me, that’s not good.
So, you know – we’ll see. Unlike most people, who seem to be overjoyed already, I’m not buying my ticket just yet. My advice to Marvel? Keep everyone under their superhero guises as much as possible, and limit the human man-under-the-mask as much as possible. Let Hulk be the free, unpredictable wild card and make Ruffalo’s Banner the heart of the movie. Keep the dialogue low and the smart-ass, wink-at-the-camera banter nonexistent. And just try and make it an out-and-out, balls-to-the-wall, action thriller. You’re not going to move us with it, so don’t even try. Just give us the best roller-coaster ride we’ve ever been on
